Goldilocks and the Three Pretty Irate Bears

The story you are about to read is fiction.
It has been posted with the consent of the original copyright author.
Please do not repost or republish without the express written consent of Pandora.

Fourteen years had passed since Goldilocks last walked through these woods. She had been nine years old at the time, and she had been so thoroughly frightened by her experience that she had not returned since. Three years of psychotherapy had helped her realize that she no longer need give in to her childhood fears, and now there remained only one last fear to face and overcome.

The day she chose for her walk was a warm, clear day early in June. Butterflies fluttered past her, birds sang their happiest, most melodious songs, and bees hummed as they busily went about gathering nectar for their honey.

And there, just up ahead beside the path, sat the cottage, smaller than she remembered, freshly painted, with a neat little garden of roses and hollyhocks and columbines and jack-in-the-pulpits, all surrounded by a white picket fence. How could she have been so frightened? This charming little home was obviously inhabited by some very civilized bears.

She was even considering going up the walk and knocking on the door, when she saw the bears leave from their back door with baskets, heading gaily off in the opposite direction.

She thought she would just take a quick peek in the open window to see whether the cottage still looked the same inside as it had fourteen years previously.

The first thing she noticed was that the gingham curtains had been replaced by expensive-looking chintz ones. Then she saw that a beautiful Aubusson carpet had replaced the homey braided rugs, and most of the furniture was much nicer than what she had last seen there. Obviously, these bears had invested their money wisely.

Now being a first cousin to Pandora and every bit as curious, she just could not resist checking the door, just in case the bears had forgotten to lock it. She really was doing them a favor, after all. They now had some rather expensive things, and it would not do to leave the house unlocked so that anyone, perhaps even a burglar or a vandal, could just walk right in.

Though Goldilocks had walked quite a distance to reach the cottage, it was more curiosity and a slight sense of nostalgia than fatigue that led her to try out each of the chairs in turn.

Mama Bear's ideas of redecorating notwithstanding, Papa would not give up his huge Naugahyde recliner. The only piece of furniture that Goldilocks remembered from her last visit, it immediately drew her attention, and she sat there first. The chair felt lopsided and hard -- definitely too hard -- when she sat in it.

Mama's chair was covered in a lovely floral chintz, coordinating nicely with the lovely curtains, all fabrics designed by the famous Mario Bearta. She sank comfortably into the down cushions -- and sank some more, and still more. Absolutely too soft.

Ah, but there was Baby Bear's chair -- not the same one, of course, but this one was similar. This new chair, however, had a nice thick cushion over the wooden seat.

She sat down quite carefully at first. But there was such a bouncy spring to the cushion that she raised up and sat back down just a bit harder. And before she knew it, she was bouncing up and down on the chair like a little girl, and splat! The chair was in pieces, and Goldilocks's nicely rounded bottom landed none too gently on the lovely polished hardwood floor.

Oh, well, the bears wouldn't be gone forever, so perhaps she'd better be thinking about leaving. She'd just get a drink of water, have a quick look round the house for old time's sake, and be on her way.

Oh, but whatever was in those dishes looked so delicious. Maybe if she just sampled a little from each bowl, the bears wouldn't miss it.

Since her last visit, the bears had become rather more health conscious, eating more salads and far less porridge.

The largest bowl, obviously Papa's, held a salad that looked so tasty that she just had to try it. She quickly discovered that Papa had a penchant for peppers and lots of garlic. Definitely too hot.

The next bowl was slightly smaller, and she quickly discovered that the salad of arugula and dandelion greens and radicchio was just a bit bitter to her taste.

The smallest bowl was filled with sweet lettuce, tiny cherry tomatoes, ripe olives, and freshly made cottage cheese, with thin shreds of young basil. Delicious. In no time, she had eaten it all up, revealing a pastoral scene of three frolicking bear cubs on the bottom of the bowl.

But a little salad was not enough of a meal for hungry bears, and it was not enough for Goldilocks.

She looked in the refrigerator to see what she might find and saw a beautiful salmon mousse, molded in the shape of a fish, decorated with a green olive slice for the eye and sprinkled with fresh tarragon, on a beautiful antique Staffordshire platter. Taking a generous serving of the mousse on a plate, she turned to return the platter to the refrigerator. In doing so, however, she knocked Baby Bear's now-empty salad bowl off the table, sending it crashing to the floor. She set the platter back on the table and looked around briefly for a broom, but not finding one immediately, decided to eat the mousse first and clean up the broken dish later.

By the time she began searching for some dessert, she had forgotten all about the broken bowl. She first looked in the cupboard for cake, setting several items out on the counter to look behind them. Then she checked the freezer, and there she found the ice cream that Papa Bear had made the evening before and Mama had carefully frozen for an after-lunch treat to be topped by the fresh, sweet blackberries they were gathering at that very moment. She scooped out a generous serving and set the container on the counter while she got the chocolate syrup she had seen in the cupboard.

By the time she finished the ice cream, she was rather sleepy and decided she would have a quick nap before she went home.

As she entered the bedroom, she saw that the beds were still placed just as they had been fourteen years ago, but the beds and the windows all bore relatively recent coverings.

There was Papa Bear's huge bed, now spread with a masculine plaid cover. She knew even before she sat tentatively on the edge of the bed that it would be far to hard, and of course, she found that it was.

Mama's bed was dressed in more lovely roses. It appeared to consist of nothing but piles of downy feathers encased in a garden of silky fabrics. Goldilocks just had to see for herself whether it was -- as it appeared -- even softer than before. It felt wonderful, she thought as she lay down, but she was certain that she would end up with a backache if she tried to sleep there. It was simply too soft.

She turned lastly to Baby Bear's bed, attractively covered in Brunschwig and Fils' Bear with Me fabric. She lay down on top of the covers -- after all, she was only going to be there just for a moment. Ahhh, this was just right. After a few moments, she decided she had one too many pillows under her curly head and tossed one off the bed. Totally ignoring the sounds of a piggybank crashing to the floor with coins scattering everywhere, she drifted off to sleep.

Just as Goldilocks was waltzing through the gates of dreamland, the bears returned home with their baskets full of lovely blackberries. Mama carried a pot of honey from their favorite hive. Despite sampling the berries all morning, they had worked up quite an appetite and were looking forward to the lunch Mama had prepared earlier that morning.

Having worked their way back to the road, they walked in the front door rather than the back, and so they were immediately greeted by the horrible sight of two slightly disarranged chairs and one very disarranged chair.

As they surveyed the damage, they were horrified by the scene displayed before their eyes. Papa grew angry and growled, "Someone's been sitting in my chair again."

Mama's heart sank as she whispered, "Someone's been sitting in my chair again, too."

And Baby burst into tears and cried, "And someone's been sitting in my chair and broke it all to pieces."

When Papa Bear growled "If I didn't know better, I'd think it was that gold-haired kid come back to wreak her havoc," a shudder ran through Baby Bear's frame and his hair stood on end, and he was so shocked that he ceased his crying. After all, he had heard from his older brother accounts (perhaps a bit exaggerated) of the day Goldilocks sailed through their little cottage leaving broken furniture, empty dishes, tousled bed-covers, and a broken window in her wake. But Papa Bear was certain this latest intruder could not be her. He continued, "But she would be grown up now, and surely someone's taught that kid some manners by this time." Mama Bear knew very well how Papa Bear taught kids and misbehaving wives "manners", and most of the time she heartily approved of his methods. Papa Bear was clearly a bit worried for the safety of his family, however. He reached down and picked up a sturdy piece of wood, about 15" long, 3" wide, and almost 1/2" thick, broken from the back of the chair, "just in case the intruder's actually dangerous."

It never occurred to Mama Bear to take Baby outside to wait while Papa Bear inspected the rest of the house. She had faith that her large and handsome husband could defend his family against any danger.

So the ursine family walked bravely into the kitchen, Papa in the lead. He instantly sensed and stated that "Someone's been eating my salad."

Mama's heart was now in her throat, and she barely gasped out, "And someone's been eating my salad, too."

Baby Bear began crying once again, saying, "Someone's been eating my salad and ate it all up. Even my freshly made cottage cheese. And then she broke my favorite bowl!"

When Mama Bear saw the broken bowl, the now-headless salmon mousse with most of the tarragon picked off, and the ice cream melting on the kitchen counter and dripping down onto her recently scrubbed floor, she was absolutely furious. She was no longer apprehensive; instead, she was quite eager to find the intruder. As they left the kitchen, Mama Bear grabbed her largest, heaviest wooden spoon, "just in case."

It was not necessary to discuss where to look next for the intruder; there was only one room left in the small sylvan cottage. The trio headed directly for the bedroom and found exactly what they expected.

It was with barely controlled anger and absolutely no surprise that Papa Bear stated grimly, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed again!"

By this time, indignation had entirely replaced fear in Mama Bear's heart, and she fairly shouted, "And someone's been sleeping in my bed again, too!"

Baby bear was practically jumping up and down. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and there she is!" He pointed straight at her, though of course his mama had taught him not to point, as she didn't want anyone thinking wild animals had raised her son.

In the middle of all this commotion, Goldilocks' pleasant dream had now turned somehow into a vivid nightmare, in which she was being chased by three very large and fierce and menacing -- "Oh!" she squealed, opening her eyes and sitting up. "Oh, my!" Her worst nightmare had indeed come to life. There was a bear to her right, a larger bear at the foot of the bed, and a very large bear to her left. Fourteen years ago, she had been able to escape by breaking out a window. But this time, she was almost entirely surrounded by bears. She decided she would take her chances with the smallest of the three. But just as she tried to jump out of bed to escape, Papa grabbed her arm and yanked her firmly toward him.

"So you still have your nasty little habit of breaking into people's homes, tearing up the furniture, and ruining their lunch! It's about time someone put a stop to that by doing what your own father neglected to do some fifteen years ago." With that, he sat down on the edge of Baby Bear's bed and pulled Goldilocks across his lap; and flipping up her skirt but leaving her panties mercifully in place, he began a new stage in her education.

Goldilocks was the fair-haired, blue-eyed, rosy-cheeked only daughter of very progressive parents, and she had never been spanked before in her life. Papa Bear, accustomed as he was to getting his point across through heavy fur and thick hide, spanked very hard, and Goldilocks very quickly felt as though her tender bottom was on fire.

Just as Papa Bear gave his last spank with the make-shift paddle, Mama Bear roared, "Papa, keep her right there. We have a dirty kitchen to discuss!"

Papa very considerately pulled his right foot in toward himself, which raised both his right knee and Mama's target. Mama Bear may not have had Papa's strength, but she had the advantages of her standing position, thereby having a greater swing, and considerable righteous indignation. The very idea of someone destroying her kitchen that way! And discuss that dirty kitchen they did, with the wooden spoon doing most of the talking as it covered every square inch of Goldilocks' already warmed and reddened behind. Only occasionally did Mama Bear punctuate the spoon's instruction with verbal reprimands. In no time at all, Goldilocks was fairly shrieking with promises of perfect behavior.

While Goldi's bottom burned from Papa's and Mama's paddlings, Baby Bear was satisfied that Goldilocks was getting her just desserts, and he was even beginning to feel a bit of sympathy for her.

Then he saw the shattered piggybank.

Just as Mama Bear decided that the spoon had now served its purpose, Baby Bear reached inside his toy box and pulled out the paddle-ball-thingy-without-the-ball. He'd gotten that applied to his furry rear end a time or two, and he knew just how effective it could be and just exactly where it did the most good.

After a dozen stinging swats, not so hard as those of his parents but definitely painful just the same, Baby Bear's wrath was appeased. Tossing the paddle back into the toy box and planting his hands firmly on his hips, he squeaked as sternly as he could, "Now, perhaps that will help you remember not to go around breaking other people's things." Papa's heart swelled a bit with pride at his offspring, and Mama hid a slight smile.

Papa Bear then pulled Goldilocks' panties down to make certain that her bottom was indeed spanked very well, and satisfied by the deep red color, with a few spots very nearly resembling the color of blackberry stains, he allowed her to get up, ordering her to the corner to think about her naughty behavior while he decided what was to be done next and giving her one last stinging swat with his huge right paw. Goldilocks ran for the nearest corner, and Papa commanded, "And keep that skirt up, young lady."

Even through her sobs, Goldilocks heard the bears' discussion as they decided that she would first clean the living room. Then she would straighten the kitchen and make Baby Bear another salad, so that the bears might enjoy their lunch in peace. While they ate, she was to remake the beds very neatly, and last of all, she was to return to the kitchen and join the bears in eating the blackberries, while they would instruct her in the improved behavior they expected on her next visit.

To email Pandora about Goldilocks and the Three Pretty Irate Bears, write: pandoraswild@goplay.com